Hit Points, Physical Attack,
Physical Defense, Special Attack, Special Defense, and Speed: Those exist in
every Pokémon. Using them masterfully along with the right item, ability,
typing, move set, mechanic, team balance, care and love, and of course brilliant
thinking mid battle will lead the trainer into victory!
There is
only one place in Hoenn that you can find a Bagon; Meteor Falls. They live only
at a high cave that it's only route available to there is a waterfall. Their
parents, the Salamences fly to that place during February and lay their eggs.
With not many predators the Bagons are fairly protected. A few days later the
Salamences abandon their children and leave them alone in the world. When the
Bagons feel they are strong enough they try to evolve into Shelgons with only
one way exist; jumping from the high cave to death. Most of those dumb lizards
die during the ceremony; with only 10 percent of them survive. Those who
survive will become sturdier, and create themselves a strong shell and become
Shelgons. Nobody likes to mention this, but the waters of that waterfall is
filled with Bagons' corpses which becomes a free meal for the Whiscashs, and
that's only because of Salamence parents are idiots and terrible.
Matoi and
Nog were walking at Route 121 of Hoenn.
"Damn….
I'm hungry…." Matoi said.
"I'm
so hungry that I could eat a dick for fuck sake!" Nog joined.
"That's
what we usually eat… what are you talking about?"
"Yeah…
but you know… whatever…."
"Damn…
I'm so hungry…. Nog, tell me, what do you want to eat? Give me something good…"
"Hmm…
I think about a Miltank steak… with sauce… Teriyaki sauce…. Very oily… drops
like that…."
"Ok…
drop it… You made me even hungrier…"
"Yeah…
so let's not think about it…."
Matoi
still was thinking about that… "For fuck sake! We haven't eaten for a damn
week…" then he noticed something moving in the grass. "Hey look! It
is Lechonk!!!!!" he went to bring it and looked at its eyes "He is
pink… Shall we eat him?!!!!"
Fifteen
minutes later…
"Lecchi?"
A very fat dark man with a long beard was calling for his pet. "Lecchi?!
Lecchi????!!!!!! Where are you?!!!!!" he smelled the smoke and saw his pig
on the grill. "Is… is he Lecchi? Did you eat Lecchi?!!!!!" He was
shouting at Nog and Matoi.
"….
You mean that? Is he yours…?" Nog realized what he has done.
"You
ate Lechonk!!!! You two are fucked up in the head!!!!"
"….
Sorry…. Honey…. We are hungry…. We didn't know he was yours…" Nog couldn't
find the words.
"But
why?!!! We are at freaking Hoenn! You should know it is owned by someone!!!!
There are no Lechonks in the wild at Hoenn!!!!"
"We
were hungry for fuck sake!!! What do you want bro?!!!!" Matoi stood up to
debate.
"This
Lechonk was special to me… he was Shiny… I searched for him for months! I
caught a Lechonk by Lechonk… because the world works in very bizarre method…
that if you catch the same species with no stop… a Shiny will appear… BUT YOU ATE
HIM!!!!!!"
"Technically
we didn't… he is still being cooked on the grill…" Matoi once again showed
that he has no common sense. "Can we compensate you with something? We have…
em… a Lechonk on the grill…"
"No!
I will avenge!" he drew his gun. "I'm going to get rid of you!"
he aimed his gun.
"No
please don't do it!!!!!" Nog called. "We are still young!"
"We
have so many dicks to suck!!!" Matoi begged for his life.
The man hands
were shaking. "No… Lecchi… he wouldn't want it…" he dropped the gun.
"I can't kill you two…"
"Brother…
we are sorry…" Matoi said.
"I
guess I should find another friend… now I no longer have friends…"
"What
do you mean?" Nog asked.
"My
name is Dikaon Lahalutin… I'm a Temetuber…. I tried to kill myself once… but I
was saved by a man which I didn't know if he was a man or a woman…"
"What
a good person he is." Matoi said.
"But
then he told me to kill myself!!!!!"
"Fuck
that asshole!!!!" Nog shouted.
"So I
explained my subscribers that I wanted to kill myself… AND THEY TOLD ME TO KILL
MYSELF IN A LIVESTREAM!!!"
"Man…
you had harsh life…" the gays dropped a tear "What can we do for
you?"
"There
was one subscriber that gave me hope… he sent me a ticket for the Safari Zone
at Hoenn… You get 50 Pokeballs and can catch as many friends you can for an
hour. The problem I can do it only with two other people… and I have no
one…"
"We'll
be your friends! Dikaon!!!!" Nog hugged him.
"Yeah
and we'll catch some food!!!!"
They went
inside the park. Wide fields, with tall grass, clean rivers, and high trees;
the perfect habitat for Pokémon.
"Wow…
so much food…" Matoi gazed at the field. "I mean! So many Pokémon and
friends to catch!"
Dikaon
searched the grass for Pokémon while crawling as if he was in a military mission.
He was hit a by a Pokeball. "What are you doing asshole?!!!" he stood
up and saw a nine years old kid.
"See
dad? I told you that there are Snorlaxes in Hoenn."
"Oh
my son, I was wrong. Let's catch him!"
"Who
is a Snorlax bitch?!!!!" Dikaon shouted with rage at them.
"He
actually talks… Daddy will catch it for you! The best way to catch angry
Pokémon is to throw a stone at them. At least that's what the Safari Zone's
guide says."
"Dad,
isn't it illegal?"
"Didn't
you see that they gave us stones when we checked in?"
"Oh
you are right." The kid took three small stones and threw them one by one
at Dikaon's forehead. Dikaon passed out. "Is that really a Snorlax?"
"FOOD!!!!!!!"
Matoi screamed. He took three boulders and threw them over a Rhydon but it
barely hurt the rocky rhinoceros.
"Are
you sure it is tasty?" Nog asked.
"I'm
certain! I just need to get its inner parts!"
"Then
that will kill him!!!!!"
"Huh?!
How did you get this thing?!!!!"
"They
sell it in the check in! Die MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!" Nog shot with his RPG. The
rocket flew in loops in the sky for five minutes, creating words in the sky of
with its smoke of "Erika, I've been cheating on you with Lenora."
"What?!!!
Taiga! I was thinking that you love me!" Erika slapped her husband.
"It
is a mistake! I don't know who wrote this!" Taiga defended himself.
"Enough
with your excuses!!!!!"
"It
finally fell on the ground!" Nog said and he and his husband went to check
what they hit. "A Magikarp! Fuck! I wanted something better. Oh well,
let's eat!"
"Nog,
wait! If we'll cook it now we'll be out of time! Let's use our time in the park
and hunt something better!"
"Shit
you are right! But the Safari Zone has only disgusting foods!"
"It
is a scam!!!!!"
"Let's
hunt for more Magikarps!!!"
"How
is it going guys?" Dikaon asked.
"This
restaurant has only shitty meals!" Matoi said.
"Restaurant?
Anyway, look what I've caught!" He threw his Pokeball and summoned his
Girafarig, the small Giraffe Pokémon. The Girafarig escaped the moment it was
released. "You… don't love me as well?!!! I'll kill myself!!!!"
"We'll
get it for you! Nog! After him!!!!!" Matoi and his husband run as fast
they could.
Seven
minutes later…
Matoi and
Nog lost track the shitty Giraffe. They saw three religious people talking.
"Thank
god that Girafarig is Kosher. I am so hungry…" Jacob said.
"How
should we eat it… that's the bigger question…" Akira said. "Maybe with
a hamburger bun?"
"What
are you talking about, Akira?" Rabbi asked. "There is only one way
that you can eat a Giraffe… with a baguette!"
"Rabbi!
You are a genius!"
"I
guess we'll have to share the Magikarp between us…" Nog said.
"What
about Dikaon?"
"Fuck
that guy!"
